RECORDS: This is where we review music.

Bad Machine "Rip Your Heart" CD
Dead Beat Records is an unassuming label with an uncanny ability to dig up some great rock bands. Bad Machine is no exception. They might look like Bad Company -- but they've got an extremely different sound! They're sporting some very very tough and technically proficient rock and roll. I'm thinking Didjits might be a big influence here... They've got the same vibe going on with the monster guitar solos and that same tongue wagging riffage. This is yet another bunch of hair farmers from Northern Europe. Only this time they're from Finland. Actually, a couple of the songs, sound anthemic enough to be a Naked Raygun song played by Cat Scratch era Ted Nugent. And if that doesn't pique your interest, nothing will. This is definitely worth checking out.

Listen while you play: Demons to Diamonds
(Dead Beat Records)

David Cross "Shut Up You Fucking Baby!" CD
Sub Pop branches out to the comedy genre with David Cross, the legend who brought you Mr. Show. Strangely enough, I've never seen a whole episode of Mr. Show. But I can appreciate this album. I nearly pee my pants with laughter every time I put this in the CD player. It's a comedy album so I don't want to spoil it too much, but it hits many targets who sorely need it (the President takes it quite a bit, for example). And it's delivered with a viciousness that you rarely see in comedy these days -- and it's hilarious. This is strongly, strongly recommended for anyone who needs a break from spinning the music.

Listen while you play: Kung Fu
(Sub Pop)

The Cynics "Living Is The Best Revenge" CD
The Cynics are garage rock. They know it better than anyone. So it's no surprise that they prove it once again on their latest. They had Tim Kerr twist the knobs for "Living Is the Best Revenge," and you can tell. This album has a rickety, dirty white guy skronk that marks a lot of the work he's done for Estrus. It's a nice fit for the Cynics, and it complements their more traditional psych roots. "Making Deals," for example, transitions perfectly from hand-clapping raunch, ala Crypt moderne, to a Troggs-style freakout. There are plenty more of the great moments after that. "The Tone" is a bitter, drooling rager that could have taught the Makers a thing or two before they went soft. In fact, the Cynics can also "go soft" better than any garage rockers I've ever heard. There are some fantastic Faces/Stones style cool-downs amid the blasts of Blue Cheer. It's a hell of a record. But don't take my word for it. Check out the generous helping of MP3s on the Get Hip website.

Listen while you play: Tempest 2000
(Get Hip)

Dan Melchior's Broke Revue "Bitterness, Spite, Rage and Scorn" CD
Dan Melchior's Broke Revue is one of the truly great live bands going right now. I'm not exaggerating by saying I was blown away when I saw them at Ralph's (with Modey Lemon and the Immortal Lee County Killers). And while this there is nary a disc around that could do justice to the spittle-flinging fuck you of Dan Melchior's live experience, I love this album to pieces. Bitterness, Spite, Rage and Scorn is marked with brawny fuzzbomb riffs, booming traps and smoky bone-rattling keys. That being said, it ain't noise rock. It's catchy, with a tangible rhythm (and you can dance to it). Perhaps best of all is Dan Melchior's vile, sneering, nasal howl. It makes the album's name entirely appropriate

Listen while you play: Wurm: Journey to the Center of the Earth
(In the Red Records)

DJ C.I.L. "Pinballphonic" CD
Coach and 6 records are back with a new release. It makes a little more sense (at least to me) when you know some of the background behind it. According to Roger of Coach and 6, DJ C.I.L.'s father went by the name of "Pinball Les." During his heyday, Pinball Les was known as Fargo's coin-op king. He had jukeboxes all over the city of Fargo, ND. DJ C.I.L. (a.k.a. the multimedia artist Modern Man) has created a ghostly and loving tribute to the long-gone days when a coin in your pocket was the key to short bursts of adventure, entertainment, nourishment and fun This pastiche of space-age kitsch, novelty records, 60's garage rock tunes and 70s honky-tonk scavenges the late Pinball Les's jukebox archives. The sounds that appear on this mix of music were scattered throughout Les's coin-op route and were, most likely, actually played by patrons of bars, bowling alleys and arcades across Fargo. Although the packaging looks very nice, you wouldn't know the nature of the release by its pinball photos depicting smiling dirtball kids hanging around the machines. You do get a bit of background during the introductory track, however, you don't find out that Les was DJ C.I.L.'s father.

Once the mix begins, you get layers and juxtapositions of aforementioned nostalgic and humorous vinyl. Some of which is familiar, some of which is really rare and strange. It comes complete with the pops and scratches of the original vinyl copies. If taken as a tribute to the game of pinball, it doesn't quite work as well for someone of my era, but it might for someone who was old enough to remember the early 70s. For me, a bit of the music sounds a too wholesome to evoke the spirit of pinball. Not until a shower of country like "Okie From Muskogie" or a crazy moog version of "Runaway" scratches merrily in the background - does it feel seedy enough to an image of pinball machines lined up against the wall. Thus, the latter half does a better job of justifying its name of "Pinballphonic." However, when you know the background story (and the nature of DJ C.I.L's relationship to the subject matter), it's definitely more interesting, eerie and satisfying. It feels less like an ode to pinball than a collection of sounds that conjures up the spirit of a man that brought coin-operated commerce to a cold northern plains city. It's a cool idea, and a fun listen, but I would have appreciated a booklet with some more information about ol' Pinball Les. I hope there is a follow-up (or at least a supporting website) with some photos and history.

Listen while you play: Centaur
(Coach and 6)

The Gee Strings "Arrest Me" CD
I can't remember where this band is supposed to be from, but when your singer has an accent, and her name is Ingi you can bet that Europe had something to do with it. The Gee Strings play nicely produced, old-school, shout-along punk rock with piss and vinegar vocals. It'll make you feel good.

Listen while you play: The Legend of Valkyrie
(Dead Beat)

High Beams "Hallucination" CD
The High Beams features Matt Mayo from the Mullens. If you were to give the Mullens a spin, two words would likely come to mind: straight up. Give the High Beams a spin and those same two words come to mind. This is perfectly performed straight up punk rock and roll with none of that extra fancy shit. Its main strength is the fact that it's just stripped down to real, basic rock and roll. Hallucination is spilling over with snotty vocals and blazing guitar riffs that are blissfully dumb as a brick. It's the music that the weekend is made for. Call over some friends, crack open an 18-pack of Schlitz, empty a bottle of whiskey and stay up late. And while you're at it, give the High Beams a spin or two.

Listen while you play: Devil's Crush
(Dead Beat)

Hoovers "Outburst" EP
I'm guessing this is about a year old but it's so good I have to put this on your radar. A friend brought this back from Japan and it's amazing, raw, swingin' garage with that rumbly low-fi production that makes Teengenerate, Guitar Wolf and any number of other Japanese bands so endearing. They're definitely into the same stuff as Teengenerate, but they've got a bit more of a sloppy frat-rock feel. This is well worth the time and/or money it would take to put this on your stereo. Seek it out. It's Hoovering time!

Listen while you play: Demolition Derby
(Big Beat -- 34-35 2F Kurume City, Fukuoka Japan)
Hoovers Web site

Hot Snakes "Suicide Invoice" CD
Remember Drive Like Jehu? The band with John Reis from Rocket From the Crypt and that other guy Rick Froberg? The band that some would say is superior to Rocket From the Crypt? I am not one of those who would say the aforementioned, but I must say that Hot Snakes - the creative reunion of Froberg and Reis - are fucking hot. Was that creative or what? Anyway, this is the second effort of the Hot Snankes methinks and as much of a copout it is for me to say this, they've got elements of both Drive Like Jehu and Rocket From the Crypt. The chaos of Drive Like Jehu is tempered by Rocket's swagger and style. I'm a RFTC whore, so it's going to take a lot for me to say it's better than the sum of its parts, but at times it might make me wonder. It rocks, and it gets an A. Good enough.

Listen while you play: Stunt Cycle
(Swami)

JFA "We Know You Suck" CD
When I was young, I would pore over the folded 1-page catalogs from all the standard punk rock labels. I'd spend hours making plans to buy nearly everything released. Two of those labels were Alternative Tentacles and Placebo (now defunct). I made pretty good progress on the AT catalog back then, but I had trouble getting started on Placebo's -- even though I thought JFA were the shit, and I was totally mystified by Mighty Sphincter. To make a long story short, It's funny that over a decade later, I can get a Placebo release through the AT catalog! I'm also glad that Alternative Tentacles is documenting some other monumental punk rock records from back in the day. Since before their tragic loss of the Dead Kennedys catalog, AT has been rereleleasing great old albums for music fans who go back in history and discover the originals.

Okay, I'll get on with it now. Do you remember when I said The Cynics are garage rock? Well, Jodie Fosters Army is skate rock. Now you can get "Blatant Localism" EP and "Valley of the Yakes" on one handy re-release. When the blazing, unintelligible fury of "Out of School" starts up, you're back in the golden age of Skate Punk, when you could go to a punk rock show at a wrestling ring in Phoenix AZ, or an empty pool in Los Angeles. And the audience was as much a part of the show as the band. It includes the anti-hippie, pro-skateboard manifesto "Beach Blanket Bongout" and tons of hyper-fast odes to the endless summer lifestyle of this legendary band. It also includes the memorable covers of surf rock standards and "Lowrider." It's all here for a new generation of skate punks. The fans from way back already know and love it, but they should buy the CD as a handy collection of some of their earliest and greatest moments -- and for the live tracks, rare compilation tracks and the additional strangeness of the Charlie Brown theme. Your old Placebo copy of "Blatant Localism" probably has a scratch during "Cokes & Snickers" anyway.

Listen while you play: Skate or Die
(Alternative Tentacles)

Midnight Evils "Straight 'Til Morning" CD
WARNING: POTENTIAL CONFLICT OF INTEREST. I am friends with the Midnight Evils. It's hard for me to believe, but Curan, the bass player, has been a good buddy of mine for most of a decade. Another best pal of mine runs Dart Records, a label for which I maintain a Web site. I've written one-sheets and created press kits for this band, so I'm obviously a little prejudiced when I say that "Straight 'Til Morning" is a fucking triumph. This is a tightly wound mess of rock and roll that is ready to explode. It often does. Gushing praise for good friends aside, I haven't steered you wrong yet, right? I've meant every goddamn word of praise that I've ever given them. I love these guys, and it's been a real pleasure watching them mutate from a standard bunch of garage knock-offs to certified guitar gods (I checked. The papers are in order). They are the best and most gloriously fucked-up of what rock and roll has to offer. And now you will know too.

Listen while you play: Chef's Luv Shack or Mario Kart 64 or anything that goes well with multiple friends and many beers.
(Estrus)

New Bomb Turks "The Night Before The Day The Earth Stood Still" LP
What more can you say in praise of the New Bomb Turks. It would seem they are incapable of making a bad album. The Night Before The Day The Earth Stood Still expands this most fortunate handicap for yet another thirteen tunes. They still have the same sleazy, wet-yourself and shout, jump-and-holler punk rock sound they've always had. After dipping back into their loud, furious punk past with Nightmare Scenario, the Turks saunter carefully back to the barely tempered rock and blues of their first two Epitaph albums. They take a breather now and then with a the slower, easier-paced number. Then they come back at you as crazed as the New Bomb Turks you've always known and loved.

Listen while you play: Samba De Amigo (You'll never win, but it's a hell-of-a-lot more fun to shake maracas to this than Ricky Martin)
(Gearhead Records)

Puffball "Solid State (Eight Track) 10"
The tough band with the cute name tears through eight demonic ditties that don't disappoint. These Scandinavian sadists have a need for speed. It's like Motorhead meets Zeke. It's like Venom meets Dwarves. It's like your face meets the sidewalk -- repeatedly. And there is broken glass beneath it. And it's all because you made fun of some guy who's nickname was Puffball!

This is absolutely great drag punk that owes a good deal to Lemmy. Sure they're all about cars and Hemis -- but they're great enough to pull it off. I'm just kidding about Puffball being a cute name. If a band like this has a name like Puffball, I'd guess it has something to do with drugs.

Listen while you play: NFL Blitz
(Dead Beat Records)

Turbonegro: The Movie
If you've spent the last few months holed up in some nutso militia compound, getting ready for the war against terrorism, you probably don't know that Turbonegro are back. You also don't know that they are coming out with an album in April. You might not even know who, or what Turbonegro is. Well get on it motherfucker! Turbonegro: The Movie is the perfect place to get schooled with a mountain of glorious live footage, road videos and TV appearances. You can catch up on the apocalypse dudes before the new album hits the shelves. You'll be able to tell your friends that you were down before "Scandinavian Leather" came out. Before they became multi-platinum-selling, global superstars.

Seriously. You know how every dumbass music critic says that the music industry is ready for another "revolution" like pop culture had with Nirvana? (What with the war and the economy and the torpid state of popular music and all.) If those assholes are right, I think Turbonegro could be that revolution. Anybody want to trade the DVD for my VHS copy?

Listen while you play: You gots to listen and look at the same time! You can't be playin' games!
(Bitzcore by way of Get Hip)